i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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