Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
