Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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