so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
