no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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