by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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