im about as happy as oj after his trial
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
