she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
