I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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