Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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