Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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