My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.