I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
