I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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