Having a random hookup so left but love u
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
