dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
