im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
