i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
