His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
