butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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