Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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