$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
