You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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