God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We had sex on a dog bed..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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