Got a toothbrush?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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