either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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