Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
