Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
