Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
