as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
