So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She even gives head with a lisp.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
