I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
