I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
