we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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