Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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