Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
