Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
