Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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