Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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