once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
