remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want nice things and good sex
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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