Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
