Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
