I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
