Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
