Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
