i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
