i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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