we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
