I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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