I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
