And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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