I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
