So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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