he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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