it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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