D3 body, D1 cock
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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