His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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